1 Principal cornet: Conceited, uses too much vibrato.

1 Second man down or bumper upper: Either thinks he would make a better principal, or hero worships the principal.

1 Third man down: Loud brutal musical thug with lots of stamina and no finesse.

1 Fourth man down: Like third man down, only louder and thicker!

1 Repiano cornet: Waiting for a chance to play principal.

2 2nd cornets: Hesitant, out of tune, but can play a bottom C

2 3rd cornets: Loud, out of tune, but can play bottom G

1 Flugelhorn: Plays flat. Can't decide whether to be a cornet or a horn

1 Solo horn: Usually a girlie - irrespective of whether a male or female player

2 Tenor horns: Can play a unison tone in tune if one of them is dead.

1st Baritone: Useless player, out of tune all the time

2nd Baritone: Even worse player. Only there to show what the first baritone could do if he tried

2 Euphoniums: Show-off and trainee show-off

1 1st trombone: Steam driven. Doesn't recognise dynamics less than forte

1 2nd trombone: Sloppy player with attitude, but can rasp even at pianissimo

1 Bass trombone: Chainsaw with vibrato

2 Eb basses: Look like two drunken farts

2 Bb basses: Sound like two drunken farts

Percussion: Has lots of noisy toys which must be used in the most inappropriate way possible. Must be totally incapable of producing a swing rhythm.

Conductor: So devoid of musical ability that he thinks the above shower sounds good!

 

RECOGNISE ANYONE????????????????